Is this a good poem? I wrote it….and im 15..and a guy..so have be easy w/ the critisizm,lol.?
15 year-old boy-Big Dream
Im just a little ‘ol boy in a pretty big world.
And all im wanting is this one little girl.
Im just a little ‘ol boy with a pretty big dream.
Is it fake? Is it real? Im caught inbetween.
Walking down the beach just holding your hand.
Leaving our foot prints imbedded in the sand.
Laying in a hammock, just gazing at the satrs.
I’d have the world with you in my arms.
Me going down to one knee.
Then i’d offer you a diamond ring.
We’d have a few kids and bring them up right.
When all is said and done, we’ve lived the perfect life.
Me waiting for you at the pearly gates.
We’d enter a perfect world w/o any hate.
Seeing all the face of the ones we loved and knew.
An eternity in heaven,spending it with you.
Thats my life plan.
That’s what i want to do.
How do you like this poem i wrote??
I like it, especially because you are 15. I would end the poem at "I’d have the world with you in my arms". It is perfect to that point & says it all. After that point it gets a little loose & too specific. Poetry needs to leave some room for imagination for the reader, as in what your life would be like together. It is the feeling in the part that really, really makes the poem.
cute but a bit cheesy
It’s got a great theme, and a nice rhythm. However, that rhythm is thrown off by "and knew" (line 15).
Good job! much better than I could ever do.
I think it’s terrific!
Its not bad it’s kinda sporadic it doesn’t contain any real rhythm or flow it tends to jump. It starts off rhyming then it kinda losses it flow. Break it into separate portions The imagery is all there, if you are intending to give this poem to this little gal of you dreams revise it a few times take some time to find a working pattern for it. And for the record when you use ‘ol boy its more like ol’ boy not the other way around where the parenthesis takes the place of the letter in that case "d". Don’t use w/o use the whole word it makes it look kinda lameo.
Holy crap! Don’t listen to people telling you to fix rhythm and stuff. The main thing here is that you really did a good job of telling how you felt and what you were thinking.
I mean really, how many 15 year old guys can even write a poem that makes a clear statement? Not most of them.
I think this is great. I think if you share this with her, you’re going to get the reaction you want. 1) She’s going to love the fact that you even wrote the poem in the first place and 2) It really is a sweet sentiment.
Run with it. It’s great. It won’t every make some poetry publication or turn you into somebody who gets studied in English class, but I don’t think you care about that at this point. Let this girl know you feel this way about her, and remember, it’s not the rest of your life, it’s just high school.
Even if she doesn’t like it, just the fact that you recognize the feelings inside yourself, and you are finding a way to articulate those feelings is a really wonderful and positive thing.
It’s fine actually it’s great so don’t change the rhythm.
It’s good for what it is, but it’s not all that, clearly child like in it’s delivery, you should takle the subject again now and see what you achieve.